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I've been married for five years and love my wife very much. Since I got married I've become extremely attracted to BBWs but my wife is far from that. I have never cheated on my wife and don't intend to start but I don't know if I should tell her about this or continue to keep it a secret.

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I struggled with this for a while, finally came clean a few years ago.  

 

Now my wife is BBW (although she did not start out that way) but somehow the idea of actually coming out and admitting I'd been into BBW's since I was in my teens was hard for me.  

 

I'd had a close call with her finding an issue of "Plumpers and Big Women" in my porn stash before we were married but I blamed it on the magazine being packaged with another adult magazine, an excuse she seemingly bought. Now the magazine was well-worn, which would certainly poke holes in my story - but anyway, she went along with it.

 

Flash forward to a few years ago and I finally found a way to be honest out of the blue. We saw a woman in her early 20's wearing an outfit that some might say was too tight or revealing for her body type (of course, those people are insane - she was smoking hot.) Anyway, my wife made a joke along the lines of "sweetie, put some clothes on..." and whether it was my arousal or just feeling like I didn't need to pretend anymore I said "she looks just fine to me". I followed up with another "joke" about "well, maybe I need a second or third look, JUST to be sure!" which made her laugh. I felt like I'd broken the ice.

 

Maybe a month or two later, I got a second chance to bring up BBWs when the subject of porn viewing came up.  It's a subject that we didn't really discuss at that point in our marriage, but we'd gone out to dinner with some folks the night before porn usage by the husbands was a topic of often-humorous conversation.  My wife asked me what porn I watched and I said "nothing extraordinary, you know, just the same things I'm into all the time..." and then I said, point blank "bigger...women.  big asses, etc.  People that remind me of you".  I couldn't believe I'd done it, but she was totally fine with it.  

 

I guess the difference on your end is that your wife is not BBW.  Do you ever watch porn together? 

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Thanks for the story. I'm really glad that things worked out for you. My wife and I do not watch porn together. She's open to trying new things in the bedroom but she talks about how porn destroys marriages. I never really used to look at porn but since I've developed this attraction I look at only BBW porn about twice a week. If my wife was a larger woman I would feel more comfortable with telling her but I'm afraid that it would hurt her feelings telling her that I'm attracted to a body type that wasn't hers. I try to think of how it would be the other way around. If a guy had a BBW wife and was attracted to skinny women it probably wouldn't go over well if he told her about it. At the same time I hate keeping secrets from my wife. I don't know what I would do if she caught me looking at porn let alone BBW porn. I just don't know what to do.

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You should not feel guilty about being who you are, being attracted to who you are or looking at porn.  

 

But we don't need to share every aspect of our fantasies with spouses if it's going to have a detrimental impact on a relationship.

 

Fantasize, jerk off, etc - but don't share if you think it will make her uncomfortable.  

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I had an ex who was on the thin/fit side and I never had the courage to tell her I was attracted to bbw. I only confided in a friend of mine, but doing so was a bit helpful because at least I wasn't keeping it to myself.

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I really don't feel like being attracted to BBWs is some awful shameful secret. My only concern is that if I tell my wife about it she will be hurt. I've came close to telling her how I feel a few times but I haven't. The topic doesn't really come up organically so it's difficult. I feel like there is a double standard with my wife which is frustrating. She will tell me that she finds British men attractive because of their accents but it doesn't bother me because it's a common thing to be attracted to guys with accents and I know that she won't go out and bang some British guy. But because being attracted to BBWs isn't common there it doesn't seem to work the same. Some day she will catch me checking out a bigger woman and I will have no shame in telling her that I find that woman to be attractive it just hasn't happened yet.

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Guest BbwHope

When my boyfriend and I met I weighed less than I do now. When he finally decided to be truthful with me about his preference for bbws and ssbbw it was a little hard for me Becuase I had lost a lot of weight before meeting him to be more attractive to men but knowing the truth from him was also a relief knowing now that I could be adored for my body being large, not having to work so hard to look like society tells me I have to. I also was relieved that the man I was in a relationship with was being truthful with me about what he likes. It was upsetting to me that he felt the need to hide that, kinda made me feel ashamed of myself Becuase he was ashamed about being attracted to fat girls like me. So yes there were some hurt feelings but mostly there was a lot of relief. Ultimately my opinion is just be honest with your wife. Keeping secrets in a relationship is never good and I'm sure she would want you to be truthful. Just be sensitive and choose your words carefully. Just be there for her if she takes it hard and give her time to process. You have know this about yourself and had your time with it she has not and it may be a shock to her. For me no matter what went through my head or how I felt I wanted the man I love to be true to himself and to be happy.

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In a relationship, if there is ANYTHING you are at the point of feeling like you really wish you could tell your spouse, you should tell them. A healthy relationship should be an open one, and regardless of what the topic of conversation is, you shouldn't have to feel like you are keeping a secret about anything.

Maybe ask her about her attractions first? Let her know you are not going to judge, but that you know everyone has preferences and you are curious. Let her open up first and see how the conversation goes. Tell her about other things you like first (are you into long hair? maybe you like big or small areolas? maybe you can pick out something special about her that makes you go wild and talk about that) then explain that you like more than one body type, but one thing that really sticks out for you when you are actually looking for arousing material is BBW. 

 

It sounds like the issue at hand here isn't a porn one, but rather a fear of communication and openness. Talk about stuff that is personal more often and maybe this topic won't seem as scary after a while!

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I've been married for five years and love my wife very much. Since I got married I've become extremely attracted to BBWs but my wife is far from that. I have never cheated on my wife and don't intend to start but I don't know if I should tell her about this or continue to keep it a secret.

Married guy here also.  My wife also isn't a BBW.  Luckily I didn't have to keep this a secret because my then girlfriend (now my wife) found my porn stash well over a decade ago and found out what I prefer.  I love my wife and we have a decent sexual relationship and there isn't any weird feelings about it.

I think you letting her know your feelings about this would be totally acceptable.  Maybe, just maybe, she will have similar feelings.  Or, perhaps, she will open up to you about her sexually preferences and fantasies.  I guess my point is that you should just go for it and not fear the result.

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Take my advice.....DO NOT DO IT!!  It can only mess things up. She will be hurt and like in my case, it may contribute to divorce.  

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If I was your wife i would feel hurt if you told me because it is an impossible standard of body-type for her. She will agonize over not fitting into your preferred aesthetic. You of course can be open with friends over drinks but this may be something to casually reference instead of outright admitting to because if you approach it as a shameful secret she will feel more like there is something to shame you or herself for. My partner said he was attracted to Latin women - a standard I can't possibly be - and it sometimes irks me. 

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